


I Miss You

by wheezyboys



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying Boys, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:12:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6238267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheezyboys/pseuds/wheezyboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re supposed to break up with someone because you’re not in love with them. <br/>Not because you’re completely in love with them."<br/>— 	If I Stay</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry.

When Jean steps off the treadmill he can no longer feel his legs. He walks over to the mirror and stares at his sweaty reflection. He stares at the tattoos covering his arms and chest. Something about looking at them brings back the buzz from the day he got them. He gets lost in the memories when his phone tears him away from his thoughts. He pulls his team shirt back over his head and crosses back across the gym. 

Pulling his bag strap over his shoulder he started towards the exit, pulling his phone out of his front pocket, a glance at the time leads him to roll his eyes, 2:15 a.m., he promised himself that he wouldn't push himself anymore, but nights like these he won't be able to sleep. A glance at the message below the time causes Jean to stop mid-step. 

"I miss you," it reads. He ignores the message and the pang in his chest, but it still takes him seconds to get moving again. Then another, "I miss you, and I miss us."

He pauses at his car door to answer, "you were the one to call it off, don't you remember?" Because Jean remembers. That shuts him up until Jean steps out of the shower back at home. 

"I knew it was best for you. You wouldn't be up there, playing for the big league if I was back here holding you back. You needed this, J."

Everything about that message makes Jean want to smash his phone. He wants to throw it against the wall until it shatters in a million pieces. Instead he tosses it lightly at his bed, and rummages his drawers. He pulls out a clean pair of red sweat pants, the Trojan's gold logo on the pocket. He thinks about it before pulling out a plain black pair he bought last month. Those are safer. 

Then a t-shirt. He usually doesn't sleep with a shirt on, but he's begun to pick up old habits, and there he sees it. A shirt from his second Christmas with the Knox household. Across the front it simply says, 'en Anglais, on ne dit pas “quatre vingt dix neuf”, on dit “ninety nine” qu'on pourrait traduire comme “Hurr durr, regardez mois, j'ai un système de numérotation fonctionnel” et je crois que c'est magnifique.', Jean sighs and remembers the card Jeremy gave him with it. The only thing scribbled inside being, 'god, french numbers are fucked. Merry X-mas!' He doesn't want to laugh but he does. It sounds more like a moan of pain, but he pulls the shirt on anyways. 

When he finally lays down he pulls his phone back up and pulls his covers back, finally responding, "the two month recovery held me back more than you ever would," the message is harsh, but Jean has pressed send before his brain even has time to keep up and the response is almost immediate, "don't say that, J. You're not stuck in Cali anymore. You're up there, in the highest ranks, and we're all back home cheering for you."

"Well why don't you bring them to the stadium?" Jean deadpans, before adding, "you know Joel and Jacob would love it."   
"They ask after every game when we're going to see 'the great Jean' live in action, but you know I couldn't just leave her here. Plus, Maya is in her final year of med school. I can't just leave drop mom onto her. We can't, Jean. It's not fair."

Every word of that text brings memories racing back to Jean. 

The night they got the call that Justin Knox had died was the night Jeremy Knox woke Jean up with a loud sob and the simple words, "he's dead, Jean. My dad is gone." 

The two travelled back to Jeremy's house that night and all the Knox' slept in the living room as they tried to wrap their minds around the fact that just seven hours ago, Justin Knox was in a life ending car crash. That six hours ago Martha Knox was called to the hospital to claim her high school sweethearts body. Five and a half hours ago she gave her older children the call. Jeremy missed his call the first time. He was in a Trojans practice, as happy as could be because they had finally perfected the formation they had been working on for two months. 

Five hours ago Martha pulled her youngest children out of school, sat them all on the couch and told them the news. The twins shed tears, but Millie said nothing and climbed the stairs to her room instead. Now Jean was rocking baby Maggie as he looked over the sleeping family. Jeremy was in a chair in the corner of room with his head pressed into Justin's hoodie, using the worn fabric as a pillow. Even from across the room, Jean can tell how puffy his eyes are. The sunshine captain cried the entire way here, while Jean held his hand and tried to keep his mind on the road.

He brought Maggie back to her room when she had settled again. He stopped outside of Martha's closed door when he heard quiet cries from inside. He knocked once before stepping in, crossing the room, pulling a blanket over Martha's shoulders and sitting beside her silently, as a sign she was not alone. He didn't know how long they had been sitting there when Martha reached across to grab his hand, pulling it between her two smaller hands, and kissing the back of his hand softly. 

"Thank you, Jean. Thank you for everything."

 

&&

 

The next few days passed like blurs, Jean remembers little details from each. Ruffling the Twins' hair while he sat at their dining room table while they worked on art projects to display at the funeral. Jean drinking tea with Martha in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. Jean passing Maya a tissue while they were out picking up groceries, after Maya broke down in the middle of the ice cream aisle. The night Jean had to coax his boyfriend to shower. Jean having to step in with him as Jeremy was numb, and puffy, and Jean scrubbing shampoo into Jeremy's hair gently, then pressing kisses onto Jeremy's back as they went to sleep that night, Jeremy's body shaking with dry sobs, having cried himself out the past few days.There was no time or energy left for Jean to have a nightmare so he slept dreaming of nothing and somehow, that was so much worse. Jean tied Jeremy's tie the morning of the funeral. Jean looked natural in black, but this was a look he never wanted to see Jeremy in ever again. When he noticed Jeremy's shaking hands, unable to tie the simplest knot, Jean stepped over. When he was done he looked over Jeremy.

"Thank you for being strong for the both of us, Jean," he spoke, unintentionally coming out quiet, but Jeremy had killed his vocal cords over the past few days. Even he looked surprised at the way he sounded, so Jean pressed a kiss to his forehead, "I'll be here as long as you need me to be." 

Maya drove one car of kids to the church while Jean drove Martha, Maggie and Jeremy over. He was relieved of his duties as Martha's sister pulled her and Maggie away, leaving him and Jeremy. The two stood in a corner while Jeremy looked over all the details of Jean's hand and Jean watched Jeremy's careful eyes. When they were finally gathered to sit, Jean took perch in the immediate family only section, sandwiched between Millie and Jeremy. He ran his thumb over both their knuckles as the ceremony progressed. Pulling Millie's hand in both of his when Jeremy went up to make his speech, but letting go just as quickly when Jeremy couldn't get any of his words out.

He tapped Jeremy's hip and nodded back towards the pew and watched Jeremy walk back, meeting eyes with the Knoxes. He took a deep breath and looked down at the mess of words Jeremy had scribbled on the back of a flower delivery seen receipt. He folded the sheet and put it in his pocket before choosing his first words carefully, "for those of you who don't know who I am, my name is Jean Moreau. I am one of the Trojan's backliners and I have been close with the Knoxes for a couple of years. Coming into being with the Trojans, I met Jeremy, one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. And as I couldn't travel home for Christmas Jeremy offered a spot at their table for Christmas. It was last minute, but I agreed and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. As soon as I stepped in that house, I was greeted by a warm smile and a pat on the back from Justin. Just looking at him, I felt like I was apart of that family. That first night, Martha and Justin broke out the stories of little Jeremy, looking for a way to embarrass the star captain, but instead they got carried away talking about their past, and everything they have been through and just the look in their eyes. That was true love. Justin was a family man. He loved his wife and children like no other and took me in like I was just another, not just some kid visiting- intruding over the holidays. He taught me how to make the perfect spit roast two days in," Jean said, pausing as he heard laughter, but refusing to look back up from the podium wood he had been staring at. "For Christmas, Justin and Martha had actually got an extra present for me so I wouldn't feel left out, and god, I felt terrible, I had gotten them nothing, so the next day I made them a classic french breakfast. There was a look on Justin's face when he stepped into the kitchen and I just couldn't put my finger on it until last year when Justin hugged me and Jeremy after winning the championship. He was proud. He was proud of a kid he just met, and he was still proud of me a year later. Justin was someone who was taken too soon from all of us. People like Justin are the kind of people you would give your minutes, just so they wouldn't have to go. Justin is looking over us all now, probably complaining about how much of a sap I'm being, but a man, so loved like Justin, deserves it," Jean said quietly, finally looking up. Jeremy's hand was covering his mouth, and Millie was squeezing his hand. Martha had a smile on her cheeks and tears welled up in her eyes. He didn't know how long he had been talking but he needed to finish, he rapped his knuckles on the wood and looked back down, "Justin Trey Knox, a man who is gone, but will never be forgotten. A man who will forever be in our hearts with his bad jokes, and lame dance moves, and overall attitude like he could take on the world just by saying hello. We say goodbye." Jean didn't know if people clapped as he stepped down, and back to his spot. The blood rushing to his ears was too much already. His heart hadn't felt like this since he first transferred to 

He met up with the rest of the team later when they came to hug Jeremy. He got thumps on the back and when Laila hugged him she whispered, "Jean that was amazing," and all he could answer with was a nod. Most of the team followed them back to the Knox household and Jean helped Maya unload the food onto the table, being met with other casseroles and fruit platters from distant family members Jean hadn't ever heard of. 

Standing in the corner he watched how the more familiar members of the family interacted. The twins talking with their older cousins, as they pulled off their suit jackets and headed outside. Millie talking to Ava and her mom beside the kitchen, Millie and Ava's hands just barely touching, but it was enough for Millie to melt into the comfort. Jeremy and Maya were with their aunts and uncles, and Martha was with Justin's parents. Maggie had just been laid down for a nap, having outgrown naps last year, but still in need after all the stress of the past few days. Jean didn't belong here, he doesn't know any of these people. Jeremy and the others were being well taken care of, so he excused himself and went to lay down in his room. 

 

&&

 

Jean doesn't know when he fell asleep, or how he even let himself fall asleep, but Jeremy was sat on his bed, an arm on his hip, rubbing it through his jacket's fabric. He sat up and ran a hand over his face, "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I should have been down there,"

"It's okay. It's okay, you needed the sleep," Jeremy said, laying back down, Jean following. Jeremy took a deep breath and reached down to grab Jean's hand, "you have been my grounding since we got that call, and I never really thanked you for that, but thank you. So much."

"You were my grounding the first day I got here, it's my turn to take care of you now. I'll be here as long at you need me." 

Jeremy gave him a sad smile and closed his eyes, asleep in seconds. Jean pried his hand from Jeremy's grip with ease and headed back downstairs. Most of the Knoxes were sat at the dining room table when Jean walked in the kitchen. He checked the time on the stove and understood why Millie and the twins weren't sat with the rest of them. He pulled a glass out of the cupboard, and filled it with water before turning back towards the crowd at the table to find them all staring back at him. He hadn't noticed the room gone silent, but now he looked like a deer in the headlights. 

A woman who Jean guessed was Justin's mother spoke first, "that was a beautiful speech, Jean."

Jean nodded with her words, almost forgetting he had even spoken earlier, "thank you very much." He took a step further towards the table, bringing the glass up to his lips and taking the entire glass in one swallow. He stood with his back against the counter, answering any questions they had for him. He excused himself an hour later, when his fingers started to ache at the amount of grip he was using to hold the glass. 

He climbed back up the stairs to his room feeling numb. There was something not right, but he was too tired to figure it out. He pulled off his suit and folded it, pulling on a pair of sweats instead, then walking over to wake Jeremy. 

"Hey, Knox, you gotta change or else you're going to wake up hating yourself," he said, kneeling beside his boyfriend's face, pushing some of his hair out of his tired face. Receiving a mumble in return, Jean stepped back to his drawers and pulled out another pair of sweats, tossing them at Jeremy, "c'mon kid, we can sleep in here tonight, just change and I'll fold it." Jeremy groaned again and Jean sighed, walking over and starting to unbutton his shirt himself, while whispering "I never thought I'd have this much trouble getting your out of your clothes considering how enthusiastic you were last time," he laughed when Jeremy opened an eye to look at him, "come on, sit up and put these on," he said again, pulling the sweatpants over, and onto his lap while one hand worked the last button on his shirt. 

Jeremy stood while Jean pulled his jacket and dress shirt off, tossing the shirt aside but folding the jacket and tucking it beside his on the desk chair. When he turned back, Jeremy had changed and was already back under the covers so Jean took that as his cue to climb in. 

He looked at the freckled face across from him, and gave him a small smile, with a shake of his head, "you smell like beer, and lasagna, Knox."

Jeremy crinkled his nose and laughed, "you got a problem with that, Moreau?" He asked, raising his eyebrow, something Jean barely caught in the dark room. 

"How could I ever have a problem with the amazing, Jeremy Knox?" He asked, a snide tone to his voice as he moved closer to Jeremy, running his thumb across his jawline, leaning up to kiss him gently. The kiss was reacted to, gratefully, but he pulled back when Jeremy's hands started to explore, "not tonight. I don't want to when you've been drinking, and your grandparents are just a few rooms over." He said, pressing more kisses to Jeremy's collarbones, and shoulders as a silent apology, before pulling back again and tucking his hands under his pillow, "goodnight, Jeremy."

"I love you, Jean."

"Je t'aime toi aussi, Jeremy. Je t'aime."

 

&&

They travelled back two days later. Martha got them to take extra food to feed the team then sent them off, with somewhat of a smile on her face. It wasn't until three days later when Jean woke up to his phone ringing. Looking at the caller id, he sat up and answered with a soft, "hello?"

"Jean, I don't know what to do. Maya didn't pick up, and neither did Jeremy, and Maggie won't stop crying and, Jacob, and Joel, left and I don't know when they're coming back and mom won't get up. She won't get up, Jean. She's crying in her room, but she won't even open the door."

Hearing Millie's shaky voice led Jean to be wide awake immediately. He talked her through how to settle down Maggie and once he was sure she was as settled as she was going to be tonight, he hung up. He texted both twins telling them to get home, knowing they'd listen to him over Millie and the next morning he watched Jeremy pace his room, a hand running through his hair every few words. When he hung up again, Jeremy emptied his drawers back into their suitcases, packed his backpack full of his textbooks and kissed Jean on the way out, "I don't know how long this is going to take, but I'll be back. I promise."

The Trojans mighty captain wasn't there to watch them win the championships, second year in a row, this time under Alvarez' careful eye, but he knew that somehow Jeremy had a say in what plays they were going to be using. 

Jeremy Knox did not show up to graduation either. His name was called, and cheers were made, but the smiling face was not on stage. 

Alvarez, and Laila came back to see Jeremy that night, Alvarez taking Millie and the twins out to the park and Laila taking Maggie from Jeremy so that Jeremy could shower. When Jeremy came back downstairs, Jean had dinner almost finished besides some vegetables that still needed to be cut up, Jeremy taking that duty immediately. 

Jean brought bowls of food to the table and went back to stand with his back to the counter, watching Jeremy's careful hands work, "hey, Mr.USC graduate. How were they today?"

"Same old, same old," he said, not looking up from the pepper, but not wanting the conversation to end either, so he pressed on, "how was the ceremony?" 

Jean cleared his throat and looked ahead, "it was okay. Everyone misses you. It wasn't the same without your grin up there. One more year and that'll be me," 'maybe things will have settled by then,' he wants to add, but he also doesn't want to push, instead he asks, "has she eaten today?" 

By the lack of response, Jean walks back over to the table and piles food onto a plate, grabbing a couple of bottles of water, tucking them under his arm. He started up the stairs after Jeremy piled some peppers on the plate, stopping outside of the master bedroom, knocking on the door, "I'm coming in, okay, Martha?" He asked before pushing the door open and crossing the room to the dresser, picking up one semi-empty plate and dropping off a new full one. He picked up a few empty bottles and stacked them on the plate, looking over the body lying in bed, short breaths coming from her. 

"Please eat, Martha," he pleaded in a whisper, knowing he wasn't going to get a response. He closed the door behind him when he stepped out, pressing his forehead to the wall, taking a deep breath. He composed himself, trying to rid his mind of the sight he had just saw before walking back downstairs to join the family. 

 

&&

 

Jean spent most of his senior year travelling from school to the Knox household or at the gym, graduating with the worst marks he had ever received in his life. He would have skipped the graduation ceremony, but Laila said she would kick his ass if he did, and he wasn't going to doubt her. Instead, he and Laila received their diplomas and Alvarez took a picture of her old teammates, shoulder to shoulder in front of the stadium, all soon to ditch the cap and gown to head back to Jeremy's. All of them had brought food and alcohol to celebrate with in Jeremy's backyard. They stacked dishes on the picnic tables and old Trojans' flooded the space, someone blasting music, while Jean slipped inside to change. 

He walked the stairs to his room, tugging on his tie to loosen it. Outside of his closed door stood Jeremy, with the slightest grin on his face, "hey, Mr.USC graduate," he said, bringing back Jean a year. 

He met Jeremy's smile and stepped in his room, Jeremy following, "how is she, today?" He asked, pulling the tie over his head, laying it on his bed to deal with later.   
"She's doing fine, but today is about you and no one else," Jeremy said, wrapping his arms around Jean's waist, pressing his face into Jean's shoulder, "I'm so proud of you, Jean," Jeremy muffled out, "so, so, proud," he repeated, Jean turning to face his boyfriend. 

Jean moved his long fingers to start at the buttons of his dress shirt, where Jeremy met him, unbuttoning enough to expose Jean's collarbones before he started to work on them. Jean hissed, while Jeremy slowly undid the rest of the shirt's buttons. Jeremy backed him into the wall, running his hands down Jean's chest. Jean swallowed hard as another mark was added to his neck, his hand finding Jeremy's hair as something to hold onto. Jeremy's whispered praise into Jean's skin, while his hands undid his belt.

Jean paused to push his head back, "what about them?" He asked, nodding towards the window, where distant laughter could be heard. 

Jeremy looked over and shrugged, pulling Jean towards his bed by his belt loops, a mischievous smirk on his face, "Millie and Alvarez have got them entertained."

Jean laughed quietly, shaking his head, before pushing Jeremy down onto the bed by his shoulders and joining him seconds after.

 

&&

 

The two laid beside each other, Jeremy still breathless as Jean traced the lines of his hands. The party outside was still in full blast, but it was considerably darker outside, the boys having lost track of time. Jean looked over at Jeremy, feeling eyes on him, to be met by his boyfriend's beautiful browns and a wide smile. Jean leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead, then his lips. 

Satisfied with Jeremy's content sighs, he leaned back into his pillows and started to work at his patterns again. 

Neither of the boys spoke until Jeremy brought up the topic Jean was trying to avoid all night, "Alvarez said that there was multiple teams trying for you," he mumbled, taking his hand away to tuck under his head as he turned to face Jean. "Deadlines are soon, Jean. Which one are you going to chose?" 

"I'm not. Not now, I'll stay here with you until we figure this out," he said after a minute of thinking out his response. Knowing he'd be objected to, he stayed laying in his spot while Jeremy leaned up on his elbow, giving Jean a look of disbelief. 

"Jean, you can't. This is you. This is who you were meant to be, I can't hold you back." 

"This isn't just for you," Jean said calmly, running a hand through his hair, "I can get another job close to home, so I can help. I don't think I can do it." Only half of that was a lie, he thought. Jean has been preparing for this day since he was seven years old, but the Knoxes were a group of people he was willing to give it all up for. 

"I'm not going to let you," Jeremy said, sitting up further, Jean following his lead so they could look each other in the eyes as they spoke. 

"This isn't your choice, Knox."

"Jean, I'm not going to let us hold you back from everything you've been prepping for, for over ten years," Jeremy said, pulling his hand back from between Jean's. 

"This isn't your fucking choice, Knox, " Jean repeated, "I'll be fine back here. We'll be fine."

"No," Jeremy said, standing from the bed, pulling on the pair of pants on he had from before, giving up on searching for his boxers, "no I'm not going to let that happen. You can't take care of us, Jean. That's not your job."

"You don't own me," Jean spit towards Jeremy, the words stinging his own tongue, "nobody owns me. I can make my own decisions."

"Well they won't be here," Jeremy said, pulling someone's shirt over his head. He sighed heavily and shook his head, "I want you out of here by Monday, Jean."

"Are you serious, Jeremy?" Jean asked, hopping up from his place on the bed, pulling on his dress pants from earlier, "where am I supposed to go?"

Jeremy shook his head again, "go to one of the team's that wants you. Go live your dream for both of us," he said with a nod, his voice cracking, "I'm going to go shower."

Jean stood frozen, mouth open when Jeremy left the room, closing the door roughly behind him. He didn't realize he was crying until he sniffled involuntarily. He wiped his eyes on the palms of his hands and walked to the window to look out on all the happy people a few floors beneath him. 

"Fils de pute," he said, shaking his head again, letting himself go as he pulled his old duffle bag out from under the bed, filling it with his things that had been filling the drawers of his room, next filling up the backpack with the last few sweaters he had tucked at the top of the closet. 

He pulled his dress shirt back on, followed by the tie, a little tighter than normal. Pacing his room, he loosened, then tightened, then loosened his tie again, trying to think of the easiest way to do this. It would be harder and awkward if he was going to stay until Monday, he thought, talking himself through the situation as he picked up a drawing pad to write a letter to the other Knoxes. 

He didn't remember what he scribbled, nor when he left the house, but he snapped out of his daze on the highway, pulling onto the shoulder. He pressed his head against the steering wheel, pulling his phone out from the centre console, apologizing to Laila and Alvarez when they asked where he ran off to, telling them he needed some air, and that he wouldn't be back that night. He wouldn't be back ever, but Jean didn't need questions he had no answer to, to fill his phone. Instead he called the furtherest away team, agreeing to meet and sign the contract. 

Instead of waking up fro a final day at the Knoxes house on Monday, Jean pulled out of the parking lot of a motel in Washington, DC, on his last leg of the trip to New York. He signed the contract that evening, the story blowing up in just hours. Jean only realizing when he was texted by Laila,the picture of himself with heavy dark circles under his eyes, signing at a table surrounded by exy gear, and about ten question marks. he answered all texts with a quick explanation, or a polite 'thank you'. All texts, but Jeremy's, 'Congrats, J!', Jean's fingers hovered above the message for minutes before deleting it, chucking his phone into his duffle and heading out to dinner with his new teammates. 

 

Jean didn't know how long he had been day dreaming, but the buzz of the phone on his chest snapped him out of it. He slid the phone to answer the call, and neither boy spoke. There was noise from the other side, but it was shaky breaths and light sniffles. He waits. Jean doesn't have anything to say to him, but he doesn't think he'll be sleeping tonight either, so he waits. 

"I really fucking miss you, Moreau," is croaked out, from the other side of the line, minutes later. He sounds like he's been crying for hours. There's more sniffling, then Jeremy laughs a pitiful laugh and continues, "she came out today. She came out and ate dinner with us, she and Millie are supposed to go walking tomorrow. She's coming along, Jean," he says, and there's a small smile on Jean's face, but the smile is dropped when Jeremy keeps talking, "she really misses you too." 

There's a pang in his chest and Jean just hopes that his gasp wasn't noticeable, if it was, Jeremy didn't care and keeps talking, "do you know where Millie is, right now? On a date with, Ava. This is the third one this month. She still hasn't brought her back home since the funeral and I don't blame her," he says, laughing quietly, "you'd fucking hate it here, Moreau. This place is a mess."

When Jean doesn't add to the conversation Jeremy continues, "the twins are doing well, Joel at the top of his french class, and he has a piece going up in a local gallery soon. Jacob on the other hand, got a detention for hitting a kid too hard in a exy scrimmage during gym. I tried and I tried to talk them out of it, but I've never had the same way with words that you did, Moreau." Jeremy says, his words getting quieter by the end of each sentence, "and Maggie keeps babbling in french. We don't know what she's saying, but 'Jean' comes up a lot. I think she's asking for you, and God I wish I could tell her you were just napping, or just outside, or just at the gym. She doesn't get it, Moreau." Jeremy says, finally trailing off into silence as Jean starts to cry again, wiping the pools of tears from his cheeks, covering his mouth with his hand to keep his tiny sobs silent. 

There's more quiet laughter and a deep breath on the other side when Jeremy starts again, "I'm still in love with you, Jean Moreau," he said quietly, "I'm still in love with Jean Benjamin Moreau," he said, louder this time, as if he didn't believe himself the first time, "I knew the moment I saw you, all those years ago that there was no coming back, but I definitely didn't think love could ever hurt this much."

Jean shakes as Jeremy speaks, he pulls his knees to his chest, staring at the phone in front of him, ignoring the tickle of the tears as they slide down his cheeks. The line quiets again, and Jean tries to calm himself. 

"I'll be there this weekend," he whispers, his throat hoarse from the crying he's been doing. He coughs and tries again, "I'll be there this weekend, Knox."

"Jean don't."

"You're the one who called me, put sheets on the bed or something, I'll be there this weekend."

And Jeremy doesn't try to fight him anymore. 

The two stay on the phone until 5:17 that morning. Jeremy apologizes for making Jean miss a night of sleep, as Jeremy still has four hours until he needs to start waking up the kids for school. Jean tells him there's no reason to apologize, says goodbye and hangs up without another word. 

He has the day off, but he doesn't think he'd make it in either way. He tossed his phone to the side and walks back to his closet, pulling out his old backpack from the top shelf. From the bag he pulls out an old red Trojans' sweater, tracing his fingers over the letters, 'K N O X', on the back before pulling it on for the first time since that night, breathing in the familiar scent deeply.   
He crawls back into bed, and tries to disappear into the favourited fabric, feeling homesick in seconds. And for the first time in years, Jean falls asleep excited for the weekend.


End file.
